Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Your support is necessary
Howdy y'all. Ah just want to say that Ah'm very, very sorray that Ah haven't been posting here much. Ah've been very, very busay milking people out of their monay raising support for a very important ministray... MINE... and I just want to say thank you to those who have supported ma ministray and I want to send out a big REBUKE to those penny pinching no good weasels who have not yet supported ma ministray on a weekly basis. If 30% is all you've got to give, don't worry, I think there will still be forgiveness for you, but do trah ta give up to 100% according to your very generous and manipulated obedient heart. Thank you heathens from the bottom of my heart of gold...
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Send Money
Hello everybody. I know I have tens of thousands of millions of people out there who are reading this, and I just need you all to be obedient to the call to sow your financial seed into my ministry, Grease Roots Ministries.
I have to make a confession. I HAVE SINNED. I lost all of the ministry's money on the roulette wheel in Atlantic City. But God forgives, and He gave me a revelation that He needs YOU to sow your financial seed of $500,000 - or even $5,000,000 - into my ministry.
All the details are on a video that my twin-brother-from-another-mother-in-a-parallel-universe, Joel (who incidentally is not nearly as holy as I am), graciously put on his blog because I manipulated him and made him do it. I'm the firstborn and I can do that.
By the way, the reason I'm the firstborn is because, although we're twins, I was born in a parallel universe, a long time ago and far, far away. A rift opened in the wall that separates the two universes, as well as time and space, and that's how we made contact. The reason I bring this up is because the post office will not deliver mail to my universe (Rain, snow, hail... Yes. But parallel universes??? NOOO! Hmmph). Anyway, you will need to somehow forward your generous financial seed to him and he will get it to me.
I have to make a confession. I HAVE SINNED. I lost all of the ministry's money on the roulette wheel in Atlantic City. But God forgives, and He gave me a revelation that He needs YOU to sow your financial seed of $500,000 - or even $5,000,000 - into my ministry.
All the details are on a video that my twin-brother-from-another-mother-in-a-parallel-universe, Joel (who incidentally is not nearly as holy as I am), graciously put on his blog because I manipulated him and made him do it. I'm the firstborn and I can do that.
By the way, the reason I'm the firstborn is because, although we're twins, I was born in a parallel universe, a long time ago and far, far away. A rift opened in the wall that separates the two universes, as well as time and space, and that's how we made contact. The reason I bring this up is because the post office will not deliver mail to my universe (Rain, snow, hail... Yes. But parallel universes??? NOOO! Hmmph). Anyway, you will need to somehow forward your generous financial seed to him and he will get it to me.
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